10 Worst Analogies Ever Written

These were some of the winners from the Washington Post's "Worst Analogies Ever Written In An Essay" contest.  They were submitted by English professors.  From time to time, with a deadline breathing down our neck, we all write some bad turns of phrase.  But these take the cake:

• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
• The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola Crayon.
• John and Mary had never met.  They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
• Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung instead.
• He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
• Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life were a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as something like, "Second Tall Man."
• Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
• He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pin hole in it.